Facebook is for seeing photos of strangers’ kids and pets that my friends have liked.

Twitter is for seeing people talk about the Apple Watch.

Flipboard’s Daily Edition is for finding depressing news. And a fun gif at the end.

Yahoo News Digest is for finding more depressing news. And a fun quote or stat at the end.

LinkedIn is for recruiters to still associate me as a Java developer.

Notifications only exist to disable.

GitHub is for people to wonder why I haven’t responded to their comment and threaten to no longer use my plugin.

The Texas grocery store freezer section is for people to write prayers for a company that has recalled its ice cream.

My iPhone is for controlling my Chromecast.

My Chromecast is for watching Netflix.

Netflix is for watching shows I already own on DVD but can’t get because I’m holding a baby who doesn’t want me to move a single, solitary inch.

Hammocks, however, I understand.